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Bobby Norris Goes Almost Naked As The 'TOWIE' Star Introduces The 'Bobby Ball Bag' On The Beach In Ibiza (NSFW PICS)

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I didn't think TOWIE's Bobby Norris could possibly top the last item of beachwear he was spotted parading around in, but guess what? He just has (and then some).

If you were one of the three people on the planet who were fortunate enough not to have been permanently scarred by the sight of Bobby 'wearing' *checks notes* his side-saddle mankini earlier this year, then you may want to avert your gaze now.

Don't say I haven't warned you.

Seriously. You cannot unsee these pictures. Ever.

There's no going back.

Ok, here goes…

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Bobby Norris: Not a fan of the tan (line)


Ladies and gentlemen, I present the 'Bobby Ball Bag'.

Yes, this is happening. It really is a thing.

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Bobby, who is evidently not a fan of tan lines, debuted his new look on Es Cavallet nudist beach in Ibiza.

Yes, that's right, Bobby was too embarrassed or shy to let it all hang out in public but thought nothing of trussing up his meat and two veg in a shiny bag for a day out sur la mer.

Let's just hope that package was made of reflective material, eh?

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Jason Orange Quits Take That. Twitter Responds - Here Are 10 Of The Best So Far...

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The news that Jason Orange has quit Take That will obviously have some devastated fans reaching for their smelling salts and waiting for the yet-to-be-provided helpline, but for the rest of you, there's surely only one thing to do... take to Twitter and come up with the best pun-tastic gag you can think of.

SEE ALSO: Hot-Line To Be Created For 30 And 40-Something Women To Help Deal With Jason Orange's Exit

Jason announced his decision last night on the band's website, saying it was something he had been thinking about for a while, since the group's last album and tour alongside Robbie Williams.

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Take That, back in the day...


The remaining three - Gary Barlow, Howard Donald and Mark Owen - will be continuing as a trio. Robbie Williams has also confirmed he won't be joining them for the next chapter, as he is about to become a father for the second time.

Meanwhile, the world of Twitter digests this sea-change in the best way it knows how... can you do any better than this lot?

To kick us off...




Oops, political...




Spot the pop fan...




And another...




So bad, it's almost good...




So last week...




Phew, back on message...




Don't knock a man when he's down...




Finally, the reigning current fave...




And just as a postscript...






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Justin Bieber ‘May Need Surgery' After Jumping Off A Cliff In ‘Tombstoning' Stunt

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Justin Bieber has revealed that he might need surgery after injuring himself by jumping off a cliff.

The ‘Baby’ singer jumped into deep water as part of a ‘tombstoning’ stunt, which may mean he has go under the knife to repair damage caused to his eardrum.

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Justin Bieber


‘Tombstoning’ is the act of leaping off a ledge into the sea and Justin’s actually pretty lucky as many youngsters have been left with serious injuries after performing a tombstone stunt.

Biebs took to Twitter to reassure his fans that he'll be okay, however many have still sent him tweets expressing their worries.







Just last year, Justin was photographed jumping off a cliff into the sea while on vacation in Hawaii, and many fans warned him that his actions could end badly.

It’s been a tough year for the 20-year-old and his controversial behaviour has landed him in hot water with the police.

Just weeks ago, Biebs was arrested on suspicion of dangerous driving and assault, after an altercation with the driver of a minivan. He is currently on probation after egging a house in LA.

The singer was also involved in a racism scandal, after an old video showing the singer using a racial slur was published online.



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Ed Miliband's 'Together' Speech Gets Mashed Up With Pet Shop Boys' 'Go West'

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You could be forgiven for thinking that the buzzword of Ed Miliband's Labour party conference speech was 'Gareth'.

But it was, in fact, 'together'. Miliband used the word a total of 51 times, and as some people on Twitter pointed out, it was rather reminiscent of a certain 1993 pop hit:







So thank you, 'Newsnight', for making the mash-up of Miliband and the Pet Shop Boys the world has been waiting for (since Tuesday).

SEE ALSO: The Funniest Twitter Reactions To Ed Miliband's Speech


Stephen Fry Remembers Robin Williams And Reveals Details Of His Own Cocaine Battle (VIDEO)

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Stephen Fry has spoken out about his battle with cocaine addiction during an interview on BBC Breakfast, during which he also took the chance to remember the late Robin Williams.

Stephen’s battle with addiction, which was previously unknown, is chronicled in his latest autobiography, ‘More Fool Me’.

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Stephen Fry


Speaking on the breakfast show, Stephen admitted that he felt worried about revealing the truth, stating: “It’s a subject that’s very difficult to talk about, because people go, ‘oh it’s another celeb moaning and wringing their hands about their addiction and we’ve had enough of this, they should have manned up and just not done it’ - and I agree.”

“On the other hand, addictive substances are addictive and they fill a gap in the lives of certain people that are most vulnerable to them,” he continues. “Of course, particularly those with a mental disorder.

“If your moods are not easy to control, and you don’t really understand what’s wrong with you, then the easiest thing is to say, ‘Well if I’m too high and hyper, alcohol brings me down and if I’m too low, cocaine perks me up’.

Despite “spending an enormous amount of time and money on cocaine”, the TV presenter and writer never let his drug addiction interfere with his professional life.

Stephen went on to discuss Robin Williams, who battled with depression ahead of his suicide earlier this year.

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Robin Williams


“I was really knocked for six by the death of Robin Williams, far more talented, but a similar track of cocaine and alcohol use and then he stopped,” Stephen explained. “Then very recently, as we know, he could take it no more.

“A man who gave such extraordinary pleasure, and even the films people criticised him for, the slightly sentimental ones, that’s how he was.

“He was such a soft, sweet kind man, and I’ve seen him in rooms being more funny than, I think, the collective, all comedians in history put together, have been.

“Whatever funniness is, he was it.”

Last year, Stephen revealed he had attempted suicide following a period of depression.

He told comic Richard Herring he tried to kill himself while filming abroad.

"I would go as far as to tell you that I attempted it last year, so I'm not always happy - this is the first time I've said this in public, but I thought I might as well," he said.

Watch Stephen's appearance on BBC Breakfast below...






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The Art of the Shahnameh: Introducing Iran's Epic Poem to a New Audience

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An integral part of Persian civilisation, which stretches back several millennia, it's only right that the Shahnameh, the epic poem by Iran's national poet Ferdowsi, should be given a place within the sphere of international culture, just as Homer's Illiad, Dante's Divine Comedy, Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet and many other of mans creative expressions from world history have.

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Photos by Ben Mirza




In 2013, a New York based Iranian artist Hamid Rahmanian, with Quantuck Press, published The Shahnameh: Epic of the Persian Kings, translated by Dr Ahmad Sadri. The book was festooned with evocative illustrations that told the story of Iran's mythical past, the rise and fall of kings, grand romances, epic battles, the trials and tribulations faced by a rising empire. There have been just a handful of translations of The Shahnameh into English, dating back to the 1930's, but none of them did justice to Ferdowsi's mammoth tome.

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Photos by Ben Mirza




What Rahmanian did was take inspiration from contemporary methods of storytelling, cinema being a key influence, along with the influence of Ferdowsi himself, who in his creation of the Shahnameh retold the ancient myths and stories of Iran's birth as a civilisation to be reckoned with.

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Photos by Ben Mirza



As the varied influences of modern technology, ancient art and storytelling solidified, Rahmanian fashioned together a book which finally brought Ferdowsi's literary magic to life, with all the visual splendour that was so lacking in previous translations. In turn it has ignited the imagination of modern readers and brought the talent of Ferdowsi to an entirely new audience.

The Pop-Up Shahnameh





With the success of Hamid Rahmanian and Dr Ahmad Sadri's boundary pushing invocation of this much respected classic, a new idea began to germinate. The greatest stories appeal to a wide audience, irrespective of age, class etc, so Rahmanian had the idea to have stories from The Shahnameh retold in pop-up book form. It is the first time any Iranian story will be told in this way.


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Photos courtesy of Hamid Rahmanian




With a desire to introduce the children and grandchildren of Iranian's to their rich cultural heritage, Rahmanian has teamed up with the award-winning paper engineer Simon Arizpe, a senior paper engineer at Robert Sabuda Studio and founding member of The American Design Club, to create the first in what will hopefully be a series of stories, starting off with Zahhak: The Legend of the Serpent King.


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Photos courtesy of Hamid Rahmanian



In this marriage of talents, Rahmanian and Arizpe hope to create something that will have a long lasting impression within the world of children's literature and beyond; an entirely original concept, the stories will be orchestrated with a fine melding of art and words, with special attention paid to the illustrations, as the more favourable element to young children.

Rahmanian and Arizpe are currently looking for donations to continue creating the first book, which if they succeed in raising the sufficient funds, will once more ignite the people's imagination and nudge Persian culture further into the consciousness of the mainstream. You can find out more details by visiting the Fictionville Studio website.

Lindsay Lohan In ‘Speed The Plow': Forgotten Lines And Fits Of Giggles? Here's What Really Happened...

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Lindsay Lohan made her West End theatre debut on Wednesday night, treading the boards in a production of ‘Speed-the-Plow’, though the reaction to the play hasn’t exactly been positive.

Numerous reports suggest Lindsay frequently fluffed her lines and was reliant on prompts from offstage.

However, Huff Post UK were present for the opening night, so we can tell you that this was only half true.

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Lindsay seemed pleased with her performance


While Lindsay did need prompting at one point during the show’s second act, she jumped straight back into character and continued as if the blip hadn’t occurred - which is more than can be said for one of her co-stars.

Lindsay’s blip was definitely noticeable, however, it was another member of the cast who really messed up, actually breaking character to ask an off-stage crew member for a prompt, before finishing the scene in a flustered fashion.

It has also been reported that Lindsay was seen reading her lines from a book, to the apparent amusement of the audience, though this was actually part of the script, as her character, Karen, was reading extracts from a novel.

Lindsay’s performance divided fans on Twitter, with some praising the star, while others were less than impressed…










‘Speed The Plow’ is currently scheduled to run until 29 November.



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Family Guy-The Simpsons Rape Joke Causing Furore Before Episode Is Even Aired

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Due to air this Sunday, the long-awaited 'The Simpsons-Family Guy' crossover episode is already causing quite a stir over the inclusion of a joke about rape.

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The episode will be aired this Sunday


One of the scenes features Bart showing Stewie his timeless gag of phoning Mo's Tavern and asking for someone whose name is a double entendre.

Liking what he sees, Stewie then attempts his own gag which is a little... blunter than Barts. Check out the video to see what we mean (0:50 in).



While 'Family Guy' is well known for its risqué jokes that poke fun at practically everyone, some have been surprised that 'The Simpsons' has allowed to feature such a sensitive subject.

Although the joke was in the trailer released earlier this summer, Fox's response has been to not comment on the criticism or whether they've had any second thoughts about the joke.







Some suggested it displayed a level of desperation by the show's writers.




Others however, have pointed out the scene is far from glorifying such jokes.




Tim Winter, president of the advocacy group Parents Television Council, said he's a longtime fan of Matt Groening, creator of "The Simpsons," and sought out the trailer when it was released.

"I was blown out of my shoes when I saw the scene with the rape joke in it," Winter said. "It really troubled me."

He said he found it particularly offensive in the context of stories about sexual assaults on college campuses and, most recently, talk about abusive treatment of women by some players in the National Football League.

Story continues after the slideshow...


He said when rape is accepted as a punch line for a joke in entertainment, "it becomes less outrageous in real life."

'Family Guy' creator, Seth MacFarlane, brought up the line during a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, predicting he will get attacked for it in the media. "But in context," he said, "it's pretty funny."

Winter said he didn't think the subject was worth joking about, and said he was particularly concerned about its exposure to younger viewers who may be fans of "The Simpsons," but are not familiar with the "Family Guy" style of comedy.

"We don't mock certain groups because we realize that it is highly insensitive and morally wrong," he said. "Why wouldn't we do the same thing about sexual assault?"

Katie Hopkins Shows Her Softer Side On 'This Morning'. Yes, She Really Does Have One (Honest).

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Anyone tuning in to Thursday's 'This Morning' would be forgiven for thinking that Katie Hopkins had had a personality transplant after the notoriously outspoken star showed that a few molecules of empathy do actually exist in the woman's (larger than usual) body.

KATIE HOPKINS BLOG: 'It's Not Fat Shaming, It's Honesty'

It seems putting on some extra weight recently has not only given Katie Hopkins soft lumps and bumps, but also brought out the softer side of her personality too.

The former 'Apprentice' star was on the ITV show to talk about her own experiment to put on and then lose half of her body weight, after her much-publicised controversial comments ('I wouldn't employ a fat person') about overweight people.

Joining Katie on the show was Christina Briggs who believes incentives by the Government will help her lose weight.

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Katie Hopkins appeared on 'This Morning' to talk about her own battle with the bulge


Even host Phillip Schofield couldn't quite get his head around the all-new Katie that sat before him, her arm reassuringly linked into Christina's.

"You’re fascinating me today," he said. "Because this is an entirely different ‘Katie Hopkins’ than the one that we have had sitting on this sofa.

"I’ve never seen you be so warm, I’ve never seen you be so caring, I’ve certainly never seen you be so empathetic with someone."

You and the rest of the universe, Phillip.

Katie explained that since putting on four stone, she now knows how hard it is to be overweight.

“I found since I got bigger… I used to say ‘for goodness sake, put your trainers on and go for a run!’ but actually, sometimes you find you get to the front door [and you can’t leave the house]," she explained.

“I only put on half my body weight… but I understand this thing about getting to the front door and thinking people are going to call you names.”

Asked if Katie's softer side was something we'd be seeing more of, she replied: “I’m still a tough person, I’d still say to your face ‘I wouldn’t employ you because you’re big’ because I know how hard it is to be fat.

"But the interesting thing is whilst I say there are no excuses to be fat, we do have our reasons… [To Christina] Your reasons are many, your excuses are actually few and what you actually wanted to say in your article is that you want help.

“There is such an invisible population of very overweight and very obese people who are almost invisible because they hardly go out because you’re scared to go out the front door.

But Katie said despite having a better understanding of what it's like to be overweight, she still stood by her original views.

“It hasn’t changed my view in that I would say the same things," she said.

"I stand by everything I said, I wouldn’t employ a fat person, looking at myself after three months [of putting on weight for this project] I wouldn’t have employed me to be honest.

"Being fat is hard, it’s hard on your knees, it’s hard on your body, it doesn’t feel great, [it’s] really hard to catch your breath and after I was on here last time, that’s the thing everyone was saying, why is she gasping so much?”



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‘X Factor' Boot Camp Auditions: Judges Struggle To Decide During Six Chair Challenge Preview (VIDEO)

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The ‘X Factor’ arena auditions are all done and dusted, which can only mean one thing - it’s time for the Six Chair Challenge.

Yes, that’s right, the round that nobody understands is back, and by the looks of thing, viewers are set for a dramatic weekend.

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Cheryl struggles to make her decisions


There’s already been plenty of indecision and controversial choices from Simon Cowell and his fellow judges, and by the looks of things, that’s not about to change.

The challenge will see contestants take their place in one of the six chairs if they’re deemed good enough, however, they can be ousted if another performer tops their performance.

The trailer for this weekend’s three episodes shows Cheryl Fernandez-Versini agonising over one of her choices, telling Simon that she’s made a “huge mistake”.

Later, Mel B becomes a teeny bit scary while telling one unidentified hopeful that their time on the show is up, and things appear to get even worse as tensions rise.

Once each judge has picked their six contestants, the next stop is the Judges’ Houses round, where they’ll each be joined by a celeb pal to help pick their finalists.

There could also be another twist in store, as the judges will reportedly be given the chance to meddle with each other’s selections.

The ‘X Factor’ will be aired on ITV1 on Friday 26, Saturday 27 and Sunday 28 September, this weekend.

Watch the preview above for a sneak peek at this weekend’s shows...



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‘Strictly Come Dancing' 2014: Pixie Lott And Thom Evans Named Favourites To Win Ahead Of First Live Shows

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‘Strictly Come Dancing’ kicks off on Friday 26 September and - even though we’re yet to see the celebs strutting their stuff on the dancefloor - the favourites to win have been revealed.

It probably won’t surprise fans to learn that Pixie Lott is the favourite to scoop the Glitterball Trophy, along with former rugby star Thom Evans.

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Pixie Lott


Pixie and Thom are both 7/2 to win the competition, while The Saturdays singer Frankie Bridge isn’t far behind, with bookies offering odds of 4/1 on her winning.

Obviously, not everybody can come out on top, and Gregg Wallace and Tim Wonnacott probably won’t be too pleased to see that they’re both 100/1 to win this series.

Interestingly, Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills, who appeared on the cover of this week’s Radio Times following a fan vote, is 66/1 to win, along with actress Jennifer Gibney.

Despite speculation over whether the Scottish Referendum result (or her son Andy's tweet about it, to be precise) could affect her chances - yes, really - Judy Murray finds herself in the middle of the pack, at 25/1.

‘Strictly’ goes up against ‘The X Factor’ three times this weekend, as both the BBC and ITV have made the decision to broadcast one show each evening.

Check out all the odds, from Ladbrokes, below...

Pixie Lott 7/2

Thom Evans 7/2

Frankie Bridge 4/1

Simon Webbe 6/1

Caroline Flack 13/2

Mark Wright 12/1

Jake Wood 20/1

Judy Murray 25/1

Alison Hammond 33/1

Steve Backshall 33/1

Sunetra Sarker 33/1

Jennifer Gibney 66/1

Scott Mills 66/1

Gregg Wallace 100/1

Tim Wonnacott 100/1

Let's just hope their performances are better than these ones...



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Eddie Redmayne, Benedict Cumberbatch, Timothy Spall All In Race For Best Actor Oscar Ahead Of Awards Season

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With the two festival giants of Venice and Toronto closing last week, film fans across the world have been treated to a sneak peak of the indie gems and Hollywood heavyweights that will dominate the movie landscape over the coming months. From five star 'Foxcatcher' to future charades favourite 'A Pigeon Sat On A Branch' Reflecting On Existence we can look forward to spending an awful lot of time in cinemas this winter cramming them all in.

These star-studded festivals also sound the starter’s pistol for awards-season, as acting’s elite begin the long campaign for gold with all the solemnity of a Presidential candidate. Critics have witnessed a series of towering performances already from an eclectic bunch of names – with the Best Actor race looking particularly congested, with three familiar Brits flying the flag out front, with a catalogue of spellbinding performances.

From seasoned veterans Timothy Spall and J.K Simmons to young bucks like Jack O’Connell, powerhouse performances are coming thick and fast. A year of sensational showcases may see otherwise impeccable displays like those from James McAvoy ('The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby'), David Oyelowo ('Selma'), and Chadwick Boseman (as The Godfather of Soul James Brown) miss out on awards recognition, while we haven’t even had a glimpse of Joaquin Phoenix’s eagerly-awaited interpretation of 'Inherent Vice' yet. It’s certainly all to play for, and we can expect to see a new name on the Best Actor Oscar come February.

Movies4Men – the action-packed home of leading men - casts its eye over the prime contenders to take home the big prizes in the coming months, and reveals who ought to be dusting off their tuxes in preparation for the glory to come...

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Eddie Redmayne

True-life tale? Tick. Dramatic physical transformation? Check. Inspiring mind over matter message? Yes indeedy. You don’t need a doctorate in Astrophysics to see that the role of Professor Stephen Hawking in the upcoming 'The Theory of Everything' has award-season glory written all over it Yet Redmayne’s mesmeric performance will win over even the most cynical – stretching himself as an actor well beyond anything we’ve seen him do before, this is the film that marks his evolution. Expect a surefire Oscar nomination, and possible BAFTA success.

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J K Simmons

Possibly strategically positioned in the best supporting actor category, where he would be grappling for the prize with the two Foxcatcher boys Mark Ruffalo and Channing Tatum, Simmons is nonetheless the best thing about the hotly-hyped independent 'Whiplash'. Casting aside his jovial good-guy image, J.K revels in the role of an obsessive, hard-line jazz instructor – a man whose violent pursuit of perfection pushes a young drumming prodigy to the very edge. Whipping up a storm at Sundance and Toronto, Simmons’ electric performance hits all the right notes.

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Benedict Cumberbatch

Cumbermania is in full-force, and the man himself will be riding the crest of the wave all the way to the Dolby Theatre next February. In a similar vein to Redmayne’s 'The Theory of Everything' performance, the role of Alan Turing seems to tick all the boxes so beloved by the Academy, and can expect to receive some real love from voters and cinema-goers alike. Cumberbatch is perfectly measured as the compulsive mathematician with the weight of a nation on his shoulders, harbouring his own secrets whilst desperately trying to crack those of the enemy. Taking home the People’s Choice Award from Toronto, 'The Imitation Game' is a crowd-pleaser powered by an actor at the very top of his game offering an accurate imitation of his own.

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Steve Carrell

Take a look at the image above. Grey-skinned and beaky, stripped of the sparkle behind his eyes, this is not the Steve Carrell we have all come to know and love. Dropping his persona so wholly that his on wife reportedly didn’t recognize him, Carrell’s supreme portrayal of the lizard-like John Du Pont in 'Foxcatcher', the wealthy patriot backing his country’s Olympic wrestlers, has transformed his on-screen image forever and given him a fighting chance of snatching acting’s top prize. From manager of 'The Office' to master of the Oscars in a mere matter of months. Eat your heart out Ricky Gervais…

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Timothy Spall

British actors always know to rent out a tux on Oscar night, such is our regular dominance on the night. While Cumberbatch and Redmayne can already look forward to a place in Ellen DeGeneres’ next superstar selfie, they may well find themselves joined by the hugely respected Timothy Spall. He wowed the notoriously cool Cannes jury earlier in the year with his depiction of eccentric artist J.M.W Turner – swanning off with the Best Actor award – and with director Mike Leigh’s films consistently recognised by the Academy (he has 7 nominations alone), a nod for his star would be no surprise.

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Jack O'Connell

A surprise entry in the Oscar-race, O’Connell will be familiar to eagle-eyed TV fans as Cook in Skins, but has quickly established a burgeoning reputation as an actor to look out for on the big screen. As Louis Zamperini, Olympic runner turned Prisoner of War, O’Connell demonstrates a wiry fire reminiscent of Tom Hardy. If it can side-step the schmaltz, Unbroken could be one of the films of the year and a life-changing showcase for the young Brit. From 'Holby City' cameo to Angelina Jolie muse in seven short years – his rise has been nothing short of phenomenal. Could it be capped off with a debut Oscar nomination?

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Bill Murray

The toast of the town in Toronto, the irascible Bill Murray was celebrated with his very own day. Amidst the facemasks and 'Ghostbusters' quoting, his latest film 'St. Vincent' premiered that night and instantly garnered considerable award-season buzz. It’s vintage Murray, as he rolls through his agreeably grouchy routine of eyeball-rolling knowing putdowns with practised ease. Yet there is a breadth to his performance too, as he proves himself capable of playing our heartstrings with a few turns of that old hangdog face. A bittersweet, heart-warmer of a comedy that should be right in the mix for the big awards. You’d struggle to find a more popular winner than its star.

Movies4Men can be found on Freeview Channel 48 / FreeSat 304 / Sky 325.

Working in Tinseltown

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So, I've just watched my American TV debut on Switched at Birth for ABC Family - I can't quite believe I'm saying that!

For any actor, going to work in Tinseltown is a bit dream come true and I really couldn't ask for a better show to be involved in.

Switched at Birth has an amazing cast including an Oscar winner and two Emmy nominees, the writing is very innovative and the show's producers have redefined US TV by launching a mainstream show which includes multiple deaf cast members, whose characters communicate only in ASL (American Sign Language).

Anyone who knows me (and I'm assuming that's not many) will know that deafness and sign language are two things very close to my heart. I'm fluent in British sign language and I have a very personal connection with deafness and have been a committed advocate for raising deaf awareness for the last 10 years.

I want to explain more about this work in these blog posts as well as giving you a little insight into what it's like as a Brit working in Hollywood - it's been pretty good so far.

So I arrived here in LA back in April with no prodigious expectations, but even with limited exposure to the sunshine state, I have to say that this really is the land of opportunity! It's also the land of the beautiful people with perfect white teeth and tiny dogs wearing tiny coats.

But to be honest, the first thing that hits you when you step off the plane in LA is just how eager people are to help you out here - or at least that's what I've found.

I've been perpetually impressed with waitresses, bar tenders, shop workers - pretty much everyone I've come across in the service sector, have all been exceptionally polite and almost too eager to help.

I feel that if someone wearing a large grin approached me on the London underground and asked if I was ok or if I needed any help, I'd probably check my handbag to see what was missing.

That said, I do have a theory for this unyielding 'eager to please' culture.

The town is obviously saturated with industry folk and the majority of service staff are budding actors.

Therefore I say the staff are overly polite to EVERYBODY for fear of offending somebody 'important' and missing out on that life-changing acting role and the career that might come of it (we've all heard those stories).

That's just my theory, but whatever the reason, the service out here is gratefully received.

So, as an actor you hear the word 'networking' being labeled an 'imperative part of the job' - personally I'm terrible at it.

In fact self promotion in general has never been my strong point (although I am trying be more active on twitter) so the LA networking scene was always going to terrify me. We've all heard the phrases to describe it, like it's 'dog eat dog or 'cut throat'.

I can confirm that both phrases are pretty accurate.

I recently attended a couple of soirees full of aesthetically pleasing people with impeccable social skills, all armed with business cards and showreels.

As my inadequacy grew I couldn't help being slightly impressed, maybe even envious of the unapologetic sycophantic behaviour that I was witnessing as they hunted out potential employers.

I had a few brief conversations with fellow actors that spent most of the time looking over my shoulder waiting for someone more interesting to come along.

It's times like this that I become aware of just how 'British' I am.

I feel that Britain is a rather self-deprecating nation, you're almost considered egotistical to say you're good at anything.

The British way is to let someone else say it - we simply smile modestly and say thank you.

When someone walks into me, whether it's my fault or not, I say sorry.

At home, I'll moan about the food in a restaurant to my fellow diners, yet when the waiter asks me how it is, unless I'm at risk of salmonella, I always say 'it's fine thank you'.

In the UK, we also seem to LOVE to queue too - whether it's for a cash point, Post Office counter or for a bus, I always abide by the unwritten rule and patiently wait behind the person in front of me.

In la la land it appears to be the polar opposite - you tell EVERYONE how great you are, you only apologise for things that actually ARE your fault, if your food is lousy, you complain and the overly helpful staff who flash their pearly white teeth and enthusiastically run off to the kitchen to make your meal again from scratch - and when it comes to queues?

Oh you don't queue honey - you make sure you're on the guest-list of course!

That said, and while making no attempt to suppress my British ways, I can't stop my growing Intrigue for this plucky town, maybe there's something in the air.

I'm off to a friend's fundraiser for a film she's making tonight.

I'll let you know how I get on!

The Angels of Parenting

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I had the great pleasure of working in Italy last week and at the beginning of that wonderful five night stay at the Hotel Grand Tremezzo filming for This Morning, I was made aware by my agent Del that I would be working the day after I returned home on the following Sunday. Now I'm always quite protective of my Sundays because when I say I am absolutely in love with my role as kids football coach, I don't think I could convey in words just how much satisfaction I get from seeing my team visibly improve week in - week out but let's put it this way, I'm as happy teaching it as I was playing it at their age, maybe it keeps me young!

It was meant to be as fortunately the game kicked off early and it left me just enough time to get over to the job. Because of being distracted by the beauty of my surroundings In Lake Como, I hadn't really focused on what exactly I was booked for, just that it was on a hop farm in Kent. It turned out that it was for Attachments, an Independent fostering agency, and that I was to simply give out some awards to the fostering families who have excelled in their duties over the 10 years since the company was born.

On being greeted in the car park and told what the awards were about, I had assumed I'd been booked because I had been fostered and spent time in care as a toddler, although not common knowledge and certainly not something I talk about very often, somehow they must have known?

As Dot, the founder and manager with over 25 years social work experience, started to read out the accomplishments being rewarded and the inspirational individuals came up to receive their awards for outstanding contributions to fostering I whispered over to her if she had known that I had come from this background?

To both our surprise, I was only booked because they thought me to be of as much interest to the kids as I was to the older adults but no, they didn't know. I immediately felt a sense of fate, that I was meant to be there and on top of that I had an urge to speak to the room, not that I knew what I was going to say, just that I hoped Dot would ask me to say a few words, it felt like there was something I needed to get off my chest.

The surprising thing for me wasn't the fact that everything I said seemed to strike a chord for everyone in the room from a foster parent and foster child's point of view but that I became completely overwhelmed by emotion and found it very hard to talk and suppress the huge lump in my throat at the same time! I found it interesting how I can talk about grief as a subject without breaking my stride yet there was something about the room full of foster children reminding me of the young Jeff Smith, which I found particularly tough.

I told the group about my experience, I hadn't spoke about this for ages and it was really hard getting the words out at first. I spoke about my vivid memories of Margaret and Dave, my foster carers in Upminster, Essex. I remember random things like a cowboy outfit, a game called tin-can alley, a next door neighbour who would give me Mr Men Ice pops and living next to an allotment, lining my cars up in the garden in a traffic jam and interestingly my first memory of giving affection, being in the bed between my sleeping foster parents and cuddling Margaret's leg and kissing her on the knee.

As I recalled my earliest memories I was keen to impress on the group that I don't look back and see my time in foster care as a negative, my expression wasn't from feeling sorry for myself, I completely understand that in the absence of my biological father, my very young mother, too young to even consider a woman would want to get herself together after having me at the age of 15 and, in some respects I think it was very brave decision to take. I didn't say this in front of the room of kids but I'd prefer to be fostered than to have been aborted and to not have had the privilege of life in the first place!

I remembered the moment when my Mum came to collect me, she would have been around 20 years old, bleach blond hair, dressed in black like any new romantic in the 80's should, and I remember feeling excited and it feeling quite natural. At some point during the next year or so I would forget that I was ever away from her. I still don't ask my mum questions I'm entitled to ask about my past because I don't want to be insensitive, it's sad that this wouldn't have started in my adult years, I think we protect our parents from what might be difficult for them to answer to from a very young age anyway.

I haven't seen Margaret and Dave since nor have I searched. I've never really had the impetus to rediscover that part of my life but it took being in a room with some children and imagining myself as one of them to catapult me back into being four or five years old again. If I was to meet with my foster parents again I think I'd probably be an emotional wreck yet if you had asked me last week how I would greet them I would have imagined there to be a lot of catching up but with very little emotion attached.

I felt sad for the children in the room, silly really as so many of them were so happy on the day, why should I feel sad for them? In reality these particular children were part of the chosen few that had been lucky enough to have found someone to care for them. I just knew that at some point in their lives they would have had to have dealt with rejection and abandonment, I realise now that these maybe the emotions that were stirred in me. What they may have endured at such a young age can't be erased but it can hopefully be overridden by memories of consistency, safety, security and ultimately, love.

Through my memories I wanted to assure the foster parents that every ounce of their love, support and patience would be remembered well in to the children's adult years as I was proving. I spoke on behalf of the children in the room when I said that the consistency and normality that they are providing can often be the most valuable gift as when a foster child matures they will often be left with two impressions of what normal actually is and through their foster parents will have learnt that the bad experiences were not how life is meant to be and they can therefore make their own decisions knowing that there is a choice.

That afternoon and the waft of emotion that went with it really made me think about what it must take to be a foster parent? To accept not just a child into your home, but quite often one that has been mistreated, neglected and sometimes abused is something only the most selfless, patient and giving of individuals could contemplate. If Angels were parents that is the role they would play.

I wonder whether I could be a foster parent. The hardest thing must be to take someone in, grow attached only for them to have to leave, maybe that sums up parenting anyway? To give a child a chance, is there truly any greater accomplishment in life? Thank you to Attachments who opened my eyes and unlocked something within me that had sat dormant for 30 odd years. You're never too old to learn something new about yourself.

www.attachmentsfostering.com

The Mindy Project cont.

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Successful TV shows are powered by conflict. The characters face difficult decisions, or impossible situations, both externally and internally, and we tune in to see how they grapple with them. The irony of The Mindy Project, a series about an eponymous New York based doctor, who, the website tells us, is 'a skilled OB/GYN trying (and failing!) to navigate her romantic life with dignity and grace', is that there is no sustained conflict.

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Initially, one believes that the conflict will be provided by Mindy's job: she works as a successful obstetrician in a private New York practice. So far, so good. We have for our lead a financially independent, professional woman, who, although she is looking for 'the one', will not be the type of waity-Katy so perfectly embodied by a character like Charlotte, in SATC. Mindy is a woman of substance - a doctor, no less. Yet she is also flamboyantly, purposefully shallow and narcissistic - which would be a conflict except there's never any doctoring. Although much of the sitcom takes place at her offices, the scenes there focus on her relationships with the other doctors (who equally never seem to have patients, or responsibilities), and an eclectic mix of zany supporting staff members. Her job as doctor, which ought to confer status and authority, helping to remind us that she is, despite her foibles and affectations, ultimately loveable, is so far removed from the screen as to be invisible. What could provide the sustained conflict of the series is not allowed to. We want to believe that Mindy is a person of worth, if only for our own viewing comfort, but the sitcom doesn't use her career to prove that.

Yet Mindy herself believes so firmly that she is a woman of substance that she plays with the genre- subverting our expectations of both how a doctor (in the pilot, she refuses to answer a patient's call, because she is at dinner with a hot man) and a female lead should behave. Which, when it results in brilliant one-liners and a constant refusal to accept how she ought to behave, is formidable. But she doesn't ignore her patient's call because she believes in maintaining a healthy work-life balance, or because she has recognized the need to establish boundaries. Mindy refuses to answer the call because she's on a date, in her thirties, with a nice-looking man with a real job. And all at once, we're back in the tired and tiresome world of a whole host of 1990s sitcoms and romantic comedies, which argued that single women in their thirties ought to start lowering their expectations, and quickly.

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All of which sits at odds with the character Mindy embodies: a woman who refuses, vocally and actively, to let herself be cast into any role other than the one she herself has chosen. A running, very funny trope is her constant re-imagining of herself as a tiny, delicate woman, delivering perfectly timed zingers that the actress clearly relishes, whilst appearing unabashedly physical and present. 'Let her go guys, she's dead weight anyway.' 'I don't weigh anything! I'm like a cloud!' (It is no accident that she is dressed almost exclusively in clashing prints and bright colours.) But brilliant one-liners cannot sustain a series, particularly not an American series, which runs to 22 episodes a season.

Perhaps, with the doctor schtick being underutilized, the conflict will arise from Mindy's relationships with her co-workers. And this is where The Mindy Project has shown its true colours - an ability to adapt and willingness to improve that sets it apart from its competition.* Initially, the large ensemble cast felt more like wheel-on figures, the various 'hilarious' nurses and doctors being shoved into focus for brief moments to deliver pithy one-liners or provide all-too-brief moments of tension. But as the show has progressed, the cast has been allowed to develop into genuine supporting characters, and, finally, able to provide its much-needed sustained conflict.

As the show grew into itself (or allowed itself the opportunity to grow into a sustainable series), we were given a potent and engaging central conflict between Mindy and Danny Castellano, her co-worker. Danny Castellano, played beautifully by Chris Messina, who is, equally, excellent in The Newsroom, and should very much be seen as the Chris Pratt of The Mindy Project (in that lead movie roles will not be too far away) acted as the perfect foil for Mindy. As they negotiated their professional and personal relationship, we reveled in the conflict between our opposing characters. Finally, we had something with the potential to hold our attention over time, to offer Mindy an opportunity to make difficult choices and balance conflicts, and to give the show depth and meaning. For a season, we invested in the will they-won't they dynamic of Mindy and Danny. And then, at the end of season two, they did.

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Which brings us worryingly close to the position The Mindy Project found itself in initially: there may be no central conflict. How the show negotiates this, and its sustained ability to create tension and clashes, will determine whether this is yet another failed romantic-comedy type sitcom, or something much greater than the sum of its parts.

*Whilst The Mindy Project cheerfully ditched Mindy's non-useful 'best friend' midway through the first season, New Girl has insisted on keeping Winston alive, flogging the character's ill-defined and bizarre role long past the point of efficacy.

Choosing the Best Self-Publishing Service for Your Book

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What to do if you're not JK Rowling, you don't have a big publishing house to promote you but you're determined to make your book a success?

Having initially thought that I would put the book out myself, suddenly the idea of setting up an imprint to publish it under, finding a good quality/affordable printing company, loading it up on Amazon, getting an ISBN number (essential if you want to sell in bookshops), producing the Advanced Information sheets... all seemed just too daunting.

So I started to sniff around the various self-publishing companies. Having been sent a variety of quotes, I then went to see a few of the London-based ones. The first thing that struck me (and this shows how naïve I was) was that most of them really weren't bothered by what sort of books they put out. It's literally just a business to them.

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© Duncanandison | Dreamstime.com

Secondly, having asked to see a print copy of several books they had recently published, I wasn't very impressed. Many of them looked decidedly homespun with washed-out colours, stark white pages and wavy covers (as if they'd been stored in a steam room). Even if you are self-publishing, it's possible to make your book look as good as a traditionally published one. Others charged what I felt was overly high fees for cover designs (£500) and one even insisted that they still owned the copyright to the cover, if you decided to part company. (Nb It was only later that I came across the Alliance of Independent Authors, and its book Choosing a Self-Publishing Service which would have saved me a lot of time and tube fares, but hey ho).

However, the company that everyone - from the self-publishing expert Joanna Penn to the author Polly Courtney - recommended was Matador. The quote was very reasonable, they seemed interested in what sort of book it was, and the quality was good. Prices are obviously bespoke, but to give you a very rough idea - for my particular book of 97, 000 words, (size 216x138 mm, with no graphics or images), I was quoted £608 per 200 copies.

But around this time, I happened to go to the Whitstable Literary Festival, where I listened to a talk given by Clare Christian, who set up one of the first selective self-publishing services, RedDoor. Having worked for some of the large publishing houses (Orion, Hodder, HarperCollins), Clare now helps authors to publish their own work professionally. You still pay for the print costs etc - along with Clare's (reasonable) consultancy fee, but you benefit from hands-on advice and years of experience. Since there is a selection process, your book is part of a list which is populated by well-written, professionally edited, high quality books, which are both credible and readable. Before the talk ended, I'd already decided that I wanted to be on her list (and luckily, she subsequently liked my manuscript).

Other midway options include Unbound, where writers pitch their books and the public choose and then fund the ones they believe should be published. Set up by three authors, who felt frustrated by the present model of traditional publishing, the aim is to bring authors and their readers together. Already the model is proving successful with one of their authors, Paul Kingsnorth having been longlisted for the Man Booker prize this year. Pubslush is another new crowd-funding opportunity, leveling the literary playing field and putting some of the power back into writers' hands (and pens).

What I ate: After seeing Clare Christian talk at WhitLit, we went to the Windy Corner café for a chat. Although I only had a coffee, I did buy a packet of Tunnock's Tea Cakes on the way out, two of which I scoffed in the car on the way home, to celebrate.

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Photo: H. Edmonds

Next Week : Marketing Your Book. Step 1.

For more advice on Getting Published, go to www.hattieholdenedmonds.com
Hattie's debut novel Cinema Lumière is out now, available on Amazon.
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Great British Bake Off 2014 Episode Blog - Week 8

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Making a sweet fruit loaf may not initially seem like the hardest task in the world, but we're at the quarter-final stage of this year's Great British Bake Off, and things aren't as simple as they first seem. So, not only do our five bakers have to make their loaves with enriched dough - notoriously tricky to work with - but also have only two and a half hours in which to complete the task.

Nancy's decision to aid the proving of her dough by using a microwave provokes silent, impotent fury within Paul. If you look at his piercing blue eyes, I swear you can see laser beams come from them. He keeps it together for the camera though, and instead just grumbles something about the protein structure breaking down. When he's later proved (ha!) right, you sense it's the happiest he's been in months. Even happier than when he spends the last five minutes of the task walking round poking all the contestants' bread, like some kind of mad dough pervert.

This week's technical challenge is a povitica: an Eastern European loaf with swirls of nutty paste inside. Ordinarily, it's likely that no-one would have heard of such a concoction but, as luck would have it, Chetna had decided to make one as part of the signature challenge, and is visibly delighted at the judges' choice of bake. It's good news for everyone else too, as any spying they did on Chetna earlier now counts in their favour.

What Chetna knows that the others missed, however, is just how long a povitica takes to cook. All the layers need time to adequately dry out so, despite its size, it actually needs an hour in the oven. Accordingly, Chetna's bread is the first in the oven by some margin and, come the tablecloth interrogation at the challenge's end, it's her who takes first place. None of the other four have made a particularly stellar povitica, but Martha finished bottom of the pile; her loaf so under-baked it's literally just inedible dough in the middle.

Perhaps still annoyed at Nancy's use of the microwave the day before, Paul opens the technical challenge - two lots of eighteen doughnuts - by pointedly claiming to have made somewhere in the region of 30-40,000 of the damn things. One of the batches Nancy is making is actually decorated so the doughnuts look like Paul Hollywood - grey spiky hair and those blue eyes fashioned in royal icing (alas, no laser beams).

Martha knows the pressure is on after losing the technical, and is distraught to find her doughnuts over-proved and looking as flat as pancakes. Chetna's presentation includes koeksisters - a South African plaited doughnut that Paul Hollywood has never eaten (you'd have thought someone who's made 40,000 doughnuts would have tried every possible type). Luis' doughnuts served in cocktail glasses seem designed entirely to pander to Mary Berry's love of boozy treats (good tactic) and Richard makes a fairground themed presentation - one lot of doughnuts toffee apple flavoured and the other rhubarb and custard, and heart-shaped.

Richard celebrates the end of the challenge by shoving an entire doughnut in his mouth in one go. A noble effort but be warned, kids, the closest I've ever come to death was when I tried to eat a doughnut whole and had a choking fit (true story: ask me later). In fact, I think it's incredibly irresponsible for the BBC to be promoting such dangerous behaviour. Excuse me while I fire off an email of complaint to my local MP. Stay safe out there, folks.

Innuendo of the week: "It's enormous. Certainly bigger than any one I've done before." Clearly, advanced dough week is a landmark in the life of Nancy.

Star baker: Despite his comestible-based recklessness, Richard's doughnuts are sufficiently superior to earn him the title of star baker for the second successive week, and the fourth time overall.

Going home: It's the end of the road for Martha. A fair decision given she nearly went last week too, and now she'll head back to school to finish her A Levels.

Next week: Pâtisserie can take years to master, so an entirely appropriate choice for the semi-final of an amateur baking competition.

Mutya Buena Bankrupt: Former Sugababe Goes Bust After Failing To Pay Unpaid Taxes

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We're beginning to think that being in a Noughties pop band is fast becoming the kiss of death when it comes to celeb finances - something former Sugababe Mutya Buena knows all too well.

Mutya is the latest well-known face in an ever-growing line of stars who found fame in the Noughties to declare themselves bankrupt.

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Mutya Buena


Despite reforming the original Sugababes line-up last year with Keisha Buchanan and Siobhan Donaghy under the name of MKS, the singer has fallen on hard times.

After being chased by HMRC for unpaid taxes, the 29-year-old was made bankrupt by a High Court judge earlier this week.

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Mutya with her MKS bandmates, Siobhan Donaghy (left) and Keisha Buchanan (right)


Mutya has blamed her bankruptcy order on an 'administrative error' but, according to The Sun, accounts filed by one of her companies, God Made Me Funky, show profits of just £902 in March 2013.

Many other stars who found fame in the 90s and Noughties as members of successful bands have also found themselves in financial difficulty recently.

In August, Anthony Costa was the third member of Blue to be declared bankrupt. His bandmates Duncan James and Simon Webbe had both done the same in 2013.

Westlife star Shane Filan, S Club 7 stars Jo O'Meara and Paul Cattermole, and Atomic Kitten star Kerry Katona have all also been declared bankrupt.



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David Gedge of The Wedding Present: 'We Were Destined To Be a John Peel Band'

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"People still try and emulate John Peel," says David Gedge, leader of The Wedding Present and one of the last true survivors of the British music scene of the 1980s. "His work as a musicologist put everything into context."

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Perhaps this is Gedge (above) returning Peel's compliment when in 1999 Peel stated that "the boy Gedge has written some of the best love songs of the rock 'n' roll era. You may dispute this, but I'm right and you're wrong".

Originally based in Leeds and formed in 1985, The Wedding Present were a British indie rock group setting out on a long music-making journey with Gedge at the helm. He was a man with a plan, it transpired, a plan he himself refers to as "obsessional".

"When The Wedding Present started out, there was a mini scene called C86 which was based around a compilation cassette that the NME had released of British indie bands. The Wedding Present became part of that, but like most of these things, it only lasted for six months," he tells me.

Gedge belongs to a band of popular songwriters who wrote assiduously and in a traditional mode. His considered lyrical output was pitched somewhere between the voices of Morrissey and Weller, and although that might hint at a North-South divide (something that became more of a geographical issue with the rise of Madchester), it was not the case in the 1980s: "It was more a case of London and the rest of the country. You had scenes outside the capital that were not exclusively the North," he says.

Of the release on 20 October on Edsel Records of The Wedding Present's entire catalogue, Gedge says: "I was flattered that Edsel Records wanted to release something as involved as this. It's been a lot of work putting it all together because I'm the only one in the world who knows all about The Wedding Present because of the shifting line-up and all the various record labels the band has been on. It's been odd listening back to it all. It's my biography, in a way."

The Wedding Present's sound was of focus and drive, but the lyrical content was typically English in its magnification of the minutiae of English life. "Lyrically, I've honed in on my specialist subject, if you like, which is relationships. I'm interested in the way people speak to each other; what they say, why they say it and how they say it, within an emotional framework. That has always fascinated me. It's a subject that does lend itself to pop lyricism. It's a staple of pop, from The Beatles through to Motown, all the way up to punk."

To this day, Gedge remains conscious of the quality control required to produce the music he makes and says "there's always a new level of excitement when the band's line-up shifts".

Bands like The Wedding Present presaged the oncoming generation of bands which traded on a perceived inarticulacy and an empty swagger, but Gedge in retrospect is magnanimous: "It was exciting to see the slightly more alternative rock bands getting into the charts when Britpop came along, and it felt that that culture had come of age, whereas when The Wedding Present first started out it felt more like a late-night Radio 1 John Peel alternative press that we enjoyed.

"Peel was one of the best radio presenters that this country's ever had. He played our first single about 10 times and got the ball rolling for us. We were lucky, but the funny thing is I'd spent the previous 10 years listening to his show, so what he was playing was actually influencing and guiding me anyway. So we were destined to be a John Peel band."

Of the naming of the band's landmark album, George Best, Gedge says: "George Best had a rebellious persona. He was the gifted anti-hero. Once, a newspaper said that we were only calling the LP George Best because we wanted to be forever linked with his name, and my response was, yeah, you're probably right," he laughs. "But fortune will always play a part in any career. You have to be in the right place at the right time, but I do work really hard at what I do and I always have done. I feel I've been quite driven over the years, quite obsessional. I miss writing and recording when I'm not doing it."

Gedge read mathematics at university. He's a man of logic. A man in search of an answer, an answer that he'll either have or have not. Much like music. Which is to say that, in thinking that you own music, it instead owns you, and in possessing you, you the musician can never be free of it.

But Gedge hasn't yet reached the point when he cares not for what the critics say: "There's still a little bit of me that'll always care because if your work is being criticised, you feel it is you who is being criticised. But rage doesn't get you anywhere. It's better to be calm about things."

But things have changed in the world of music; technological advancements having rendered the traditional business model null and void, and music made today is by a different type of musician. "When I hear new bands now," says Gedge, "I don't really hear any originality. When I first heard bands like The Pixies, Sonic Youth or The Velvet Underground, they sounded completely different from any other bands. But now, with drums, guitars, a bass and keyboards, it seems that bands have run the whole course of pop music, and have possibly done everything they can possibly do."

That said, a change is going to come. We can only hope.

Follow David @TheWeddingPresent
Photograph courtesy of Ian Sparkes @ 9PR

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